Sunday, December 26, 2010

O CHRISTMAS TREE : off on a tangent part 1

A very merry merry Christmas to all of you as you search the mail box for my traditional Christmas card know it is not there...

This story starts about two weeks ago as I set down to address about 120 envelopes with giddy dread,each
day I eked out a few more until I decided no Christmas cards for you all this year.If I haven't said or showed love to you in the past 365 days do you really think a card and a 44 cent stamp will make a difference.I think I would worry about getting a card where there was no emotions behind it.

December 18 a thought came to me that I would give my Christmas cards that were meant for you away, so I had to figure away to make it right. I decided to put 5 dollars into each card and sign your name and on Christmas eve night and into the next day I would ride the train and walk the street and when some one asked for change I would give them a card.

A simple idea not really because I began to fret details over using names and I felt uneasy using the
word friend when I know I am not.I sign each card "another human ". I guess I should bring in a robber baron about now, John D. Rockefeller use to pass out bright shiny dimes an effect that seem wrong to me,what to do ,rules had to be made for me to follow so I would not chicken out.

My cards all had pictures of angels do you know that more than 80 percent of Americans believe in angels.I
would look at the person say this is for you
Merry Christmas try to stay safe and warm.

On December 21 bank day try getting a bundle of untouched or slightly damage fivers and see how long it takes,in my heart there was a malicious smile because no one in my line knew why it was taking so long for my transaction and the teller appeared to be more than happy to ignore my bitching about the quality of American paper money as we search for near perfect bills ....maybe that is why JDR only gave out dimes.

On December 23 I started giving out five dollar bills when ever someone asked for change ...strangely I
could not place what was missing in the there so much empathy that in my many layered heart I know this will not make a difference for even a few seconds in the great darkness that surrounds us,maybe I wasn't wearing the right cloths.should I have been wearing white instead of black.Red was not in the equations.neither was" the coat "
December 24 contemplating going to a midnight mass eating Chinese and watching a Christmas eve horror movie marathon.As I look around the room everything looks right .Tree with 40 years of decoration,a large crystal vase with magnolia leaves on the center table candlelight, incense, peppermint candy. oranges white flowers crystal to blind ironed sheets packages and a pile of cards to open in the morning on my return ...with hot
chocolate now if we only had snow,

Decided mass would be a little over the top decide black with my new favorite scarf courtesy of Elaine and with a little help from above a hit of wind from time to time maybe i will look like an angel from afar ho ho ho. but you know inside of me will burn bright with joy a joy i hope will make the difference that joy comes from each of you ... you keep my faith alive I am warm I am dry and I know you would miss me as I would also miss you.

In a little while I will leave and start my Christmas journey and each time I reach out my hand
with a pristine envelope I will think of you it is going to be a great chain of love then it will be tomorrow and I wish for all ,many wonderful Christmases to come for you and your families

One more note of mush next year I would like to see or hear that each of you will do the same thing even if it is only ten cards maybe it it should be only 10 cards less attention that way so sleep in peace wake up to shiny things and know I will be smiling for you

que" Winter Wonderland "

it snows


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